emily, 21, graduate, berkshire.emily

I like glassjaw, horror movies, collecting dvds, make do & mend, conspiracy theories, eyebrows, reading, junk food, la dispute, writing, criminology, brand new, travel, documentaries, strawberry & lime kopparberg, feminism, bristol & stuff.

I've built a wooden heart inside this iron ship, to sail these blood red seas and find your coasts. don’t let these waves wash away your hopes this war-ship is sinking, and I still believe in anchors pulling fist fulls of rotten wood from my heart, I still believe in saviours

Had a productive day today.

I was thinking about this time last year and about how much I’ve improved. This time last year I lay in bed all day every day, I didn’t go to uni or work. Cooking meals was a chore, I lacked the motivation to do anything. I didn’t want to do anything. I’d drive to the supermarket to do a food shop only, when I had absolutely nothing left to eat, and get too anxious to get out the car and call Taylor in tears and she’d have to come and rescue me.

Also I noticed that throughout the whole of my teens I “needed” a guy in my life. Having my friends wasn’t enough, I needed someone to take my mind off everything going on at home. Time and time again I went for guys nowhere near good enough for me, infact most of them complete wastes of space and try and open their eyes to how the world really works and that they could be so much better than what they were.

It’s taken me a while but I’ve managed to completely turn my life around. Fair enough I’m never going to be the most motivated person and I can be lazy but I’m only human. It’s coming up to a year since I came out of my last relationship and I couldn’t be happier about being single, it would take someone super special to make me change my mind on that one.

It’s this lying in bed all day that I did all the time at uni which meant I put on weight. However much people try to convince me otherwise, I let myself go because I didn’t care.

I bought a pair of Size 10 shorts in December. They wouldn’t do up. I kept them anyway to give to a friend for her birthday before realising she was there when I bought them so it would have looked pretty shit. Anyway I kept them and decided to try them on to assess how long I wanna diet for and how much I want to exercise, basically to form some kind of aim…and they only bloody fit. Tiny muffin top but that will be gone soon. I seem to view myself as bigger than I am but still I want to tone up and be more healthy and in turn more confident.

When pay day finally arrives I’m going to have an appearance overhaul as well. Actually start making an effort instead of looking like a boy. Might even start moisturising and exfoliating and all those things. One things for sure I’m going back to brunette and getting some form of tan.

♥ Jan 20th at 5PM / reblog / 3 notes
  1. thetroubleilove posted this